Cynthia Austin is the founder and CEO of Shyne, an organization based in San Diego, USA, created by women, for women, and in collaboration with those who’ve gotten out of, or are seeking to leave sexual exploitation.[/hl]
When I was a little girl, my heart was pure and trusting. In those days, my bare feet in the grass, wind blowing through my hair, and sun rays kissing my cheeks were all I needed to feel comforted, happy and safe. It was a time when love lived in the fairy tales of my mind, a distant place in my imagination, still untouched by life experiences.
My imagination gave me reprieve from the verbal abuse those I loved inflicted upon me: “You’re worthless, stupid and good for nothing.” My fantasies became a way of living free from the abusers’ control over me. I built a fortress around my heart and pushed away anyone who attempted to get close to me. As my heart hardened, ongoing suffering became a daily affair. Through all my abusive relationships playing out over and over like a track set on repeat, there was a part of me that chose to patch my heartbreak and look for my lessons.
One lesson I’ve come to understand is that the roles I’ve played kept me bonded to my abusers by limiting my ability to listen, care for, and protect myself. The rebel, problem child, victim and caregiver were all roles given to me. They are not who I am, nor who I wanted to be. My journey towards healing has taught me a great deal about adaptability.
[quote]I’ve learned that loving myself, with all my battle scars, allows others to love me more fully.[/quote]
Over time, I’ve realized I’m not less than or stupid or deserving of abuse. Abuse happened to me, but doesn’t define me. All of these experiences are intricately woven into the fabric of my life. A part of my story, not the full story.
Each time I’ve looked within for the reasons I was abused it has led me towards personal growth, inner awakenings and new opportunities. My abuse has pushed me to be honest with myself, discover my passions, and helped me find grace through spiritual connection. I’m able to embrace authenticity, dance wildly, dive deeply into love and emerge each time closer to the real me.
There’s a saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” I think there’s a lot of truth in that. I also think it goes a step further: “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger and wiser.”
Wisdom is my salvation, restoration and devotion. I am a truth seeker, a mother, a daughter and a friend, an innovator, a teacher, an artist and an advocate. I am a lover, a survivor, a healer and a woman.
I am unstoppable!
This is written to all the brave survivors who continue to believe in themselves despite what others say and love themselves more fully with every mistake they make.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
